so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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