And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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