he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
