The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
