Only a mothe r could love this liver
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
