so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
