i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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