First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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