Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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