i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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