Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
