Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
