There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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