I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
this is an emotional support booty call
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
