would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
