Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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