And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
