No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
