Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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