Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
