Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
