Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
