dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
