I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
