I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
