I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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