The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
