How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
