My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
