is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
