whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
