i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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