I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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