please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
