i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
