Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
