omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
