They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
