Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
