She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
