I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
