A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
