What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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