I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
