I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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