I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So many bounce houses so little time
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
