so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
