Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
