There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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