Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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