I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Never underestimate the power of titties
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