he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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