So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
